Reflecting on 2014

While 2014 has not been my favorite year that I've had the pleasure of living through, there is something to be said for times of disappointment, trials, fear, and difficulties.  Although we typically do not seek out the valleys of life, nor do we particularly enjoy living through them, there is much to be learned in our journey through them. Here are some things I've learned throughout the whirlwind that has been 2014:

Even in the darkest moments of despair, always look for the light.  It is there, and though it may not always be burning brightly from all around you, it is there nonetheless.  My bright spots this year have been the never-ending love and support shown to me by my beautiful family and friends.  Who knows where I would be without them.  I'm glad that I don't even have to imagine what that would be like.

Even when the journey seems impossible, keep going.  2014 has been a long, dark, and winding road without an end.  But yet, December 31st has arrived.  The snow is glistening outside on the lawn and the sun is warmly shining (even if it is only a mere 22 degrees outside right now).  Each and every journey, no matter how big or small, begins and is completed one step at a time.  Each step, whether the first one, the one stuck in the mud, the one that drenches your foot in a puddle, the one that twists your ankle, or the one that crosses the finish line, is necessary to complete the journey.  When life seems too big or too dark or too hard, remember to put one foot in front of the other and "just keep swimming" (or walking).

Choose happiness.  Even when we set our sights on the bright spots in our lives or taking one day at a time, it can still be all too easy to focus on the pain and suffering.  The difficulties of life that bring us all down zap us of energy and drain our mental and emotional spirits with ease.  Choosing happiness requires us to refocus and concentrate on what is truly important.  It is a conscious decision that may need to happen more than once a day.  I'll be the first to admit that I've not been the best at doing.  In fact, I've flat out sucked at doing it many a day.  It's hard.  And choosing happiness doesn't mean that it's not okay to be sad or experience sorrow or pain or loss or anger.  It simply means choosing not to live every day consumed by those emotions.  As one of my favorite people constantly reminds me, "It's okay not to be okay.  It's not okay to stay that way." 

As we get ready to close out the remaining hours of 2014 and usher in 2015, I'm reminded of God's promise for redemption.  What greater sign of restitution and grace is there than the cross, where out of wounded hands, redemption was provided for the lonely, the broken, the depraved, and the hopeless.  The valleys of life are not comfortable.  But where one is comfortable, one does not grow.  In 2015, I'm looking forward to seeing more bright spots, taking each step in my journey with meaning and purpose, and choosing happiness in the face of trials. 

Paz y amor, 

JMF

God's Love in Our Time of Great Suffering

Sometimes in our seasons of despair and deepest need, we turn away from that which we need the most.  We ask ourselves: Why have we been abandoned?  Where is God in our time of suffering?  Why can we not see the light?  This has been my latest struggle in the reconciling of my faith with life’s seemingly unnecessary hardships.  

All too frequently in our culture, we are accustomed to treating our Christian faith in terms of cause and effect… in the sense of rewards and punishments.  We believe that bad things should not happen to good people and, likewise, that good things should not happen to bad people.  Where would be the fairness in that?  What would that mean for justice?  However, I’ve come to realize that God does not operate in such humanly-minded terms.

Similarly, many followers of the Christian faith presume that our failure to live up to what God calls of us should result in punishment, and, contrarily, that our success in being obedient to God should result in reward.  Thinking of our faith in such a way causes us to lose focus on what really matters.  If our faith is genuine and true, then we ought not to think about what rewards or punishments will come from our actions.

These ideas surrounding a rewards-based religion are especially apparent in our times of great trial. While suffering, we often question why God has abandoned us or why something so grave has happened. I cannot help but be reminded of the story of Job, perhaps one of the most beautiful and passionate books of the Bible.  Although he suffers, Job continues to believe.  As the book of Job points out, Job had not done anything particularly disobedient to God to reserve such relentless punishment.  In fact, he was regarded as a man of integrity and innocence, but still suffered immensely.  Why then?  It is this line of questioning that we must leave behind.  We must live disinterestedly (not seeking gains for our obedience) and talk about God in such a way that will allow us to accept His love in our time of great suffering.

But how are we to talk about a God who is revered as love in situations plagued by suffering?  How are we to proclaim a God of life to those in the darkest of valleys?  Like Job, we must come to the conclusion that justice is beyond a matter of simple retribution.  God revealed to Job that His love dwells in freedom and is not subject to this doctrine of retribution.  God asserts that he does have plans and that the world is not a chaos.  The plans do not control God, however, but are controlled by human beings.  God’s gratuitous love is the ground of all existence and provides justice.  But justice alone does not tell us how we are to speak about God.  It is only when we come to the realization that God’s love is freely and gratuitously given that we can enter into his presence and know how to talk about him. 

The silence of God is hardest to bear in time of trial.  This fact is true.  And I’ve come to know it as a hard truth, especially in these uncertain and difficult times.  However, without moving away from this idea of the doctrine of temporal retribution, we cannot completely accept the free and unmerited love of God.  Eliminating this method of thinking from our minds is a difficult (seemingly impossible) task.  And even after doing so, suffering will still remain.  But we have to remember that God will always turn the valley of misfortune into a gateway of hope (Hos. 2:15).   God is a presence that leads amid darkness and pain.  Luis Espinal, a priest murdered in Bolivia, wrote the following:

Train us, Lord, to fling ourselves upon the impossible, for behind the impossible is your grace and your presence; we cannot fall into emptiness.  The future is an enigma, our road is covered by mist, but we want to go on giving ourselves, because you continue hoping amid the night and weeping tears through a thousand human eyes.

This is exactly what Job did.  He flung himself into an unknown future, despite suffering and pain and hardship, relying fully on God’s love.  And in this way, he met the Lord.  

It seems that I have been asking the wrong questions throughout the past year and weeks.  So, I’ll stop asking “Why?” and starting asking, “Where can I find You?”

I leave you with the following poem by Juan Gonzalo Rose entitled “La Pregunta” (“The Question”).  I’ve included the translation for you non-Spanish speakers. Its profound message has certainly hit my heart like a wave.

Mi madre me decía:
si matas a pedradas los pajaritos blancos,
Dios te va a castigar;
si pegas a tu amigo,
el de carita de asno,
Dios te va a castigar.

Era el signo de Dios
de dos palitos,
y sus diez teologales mandamientos
cabían en mi mano,
como diez dedos más.

Hoy me dicen:
si no amas la guerra,
si no matas diariamente una paloma,
Dios te castigará;
si no pegas al negro,
si no odias al rojo,
Dios te castigará;
si al pobre das ideas
en vez de darle un beso,
si le hablas de justicia
en vez de caridad,
Dios te castigará.
Dios te castigará.

No es este nuestro Dios,
¿verdad mamá?

------------------------------

My mother told me:

If you stone the white fledglings,

God will punish you;

if you hit your friend,

the boy with the donkey face,

God will punish you.

It was God’s sign

of the two sticks;

and the commandments of God

fitted into my hands

like ten more fingers.

Today they tell me:

If you do not love war,

if you do not kill a dove a day,

God will punish you;

if you do not strike the black,

if you do not hate the Amerindian,

God will punish you;

if you give the poor ideas

instead of a kiss,

if you talk to them of justice

instead of charity,

God will punish you,

God will punish you.

Mamma, is that really

our God?


Paz y amor,

JMF

Self-Discovery

Discovering yourself and who you are never happens when you want it to. It's also never as easy or simple as you want it to be. Of course, you can intentionally try to walk the road of self-discovery, set out to determine right then and there who you are, but those paths are often filled with wrong-turns and almost always end in dead-ends. Think “No Outlet.” One does not simply decide to discover who he is and that which makes up his life. We cannot determine in an instant who we are, for it is our life that does so.

In looking back, we find that our memories and experiences are the very things that shape who we are. The struggles we face, the doubts we have, the love we share, and the roads we walk all form a part of our being. The sum of our experiences forms our identity. We are shaped by them, molded by them, influenced by them, and changed by them. In a sense, we are them... the good and the bad. Every decision, every choice, and every moment had a collective hand in leading us to this moment, to who we are today. And we are not alone in that.

We have all been afraid. We have all been lonely. We have all run away from the light. We have all forgotten to love when it counts. We have all failed to show grace in another’s time of need. We have all failed to do the right thing. These moments are not unique to our own identity, but what point is there in living if we cannot learn from each other? What is the point if we cannot support each other in our time of need? What is the point if we cannot recognize the shared human experiences of failure, disappointment, doubt, and disbelief? Each of us has a story, and that story is not meant to be locked away in secret, but rather, shared with others as a testament to who we are and from where we have come.

In learning from the past, it is then that we find who we are. And even if we do not like the picture we see or the path we’ve carved, we can all rise up from the ashes. We can always relight our candles, even those blown out from the winds of life. And, as Natalie Grant reminds us in her song “The Real Me,” we can all mend the tattered fabric of our lives into a beautiful tapestry.

Paz y amor,

JMF